[Okay, let's step back for a moment and talk about Lapis after all, who was minding her own goddamn business like half an hour ago and now all this. Even if Peridot can only hope to speculate, there are certainly some things we know about her. The depth of what she's doing right now could never be lost on her; no, she's found herself back in a familiar space again. The one where she's watching but not present, not quite real, limited, voiceless, separated from life by a space that is an impassible barrier.
The thing is, though, she's had this done to her before and she's done this to herself before, and even if there's not much logic behind it, this one feels like both. Because she already was pulling away, wasn't she? Ever since that dreamland hit her with the feelings she has no idea how to handle. She's not present now, but it feels like she should have been more there all along. It feels like she should have said something long before M'Lapis used her voiceto tear Peridot down, like she could have done something that would have been protection against her. She doesn't know how and she doesn't know what else to do, but there has to be something missing, and it must be her.
For the most part, that isn't really true. Lapis can't actually stop her Mirror from doing whatever through sheer force of will, and in any case, a little awkwardness around the barn-room is hardly the worst thing this relationship has been through. But hey, considering the circumstances, she could be doing a lot worse than that level of irrationality. Anyway, that's why the 'I'm sorry' wasn't entirely about M'Lapis, and it's why this isn't either.]
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The thing is, though, she's had this done to her before and she's done this to herself before, and even if there's not much logic behind it, this one feels like both. Because she already was pulling away, wasn't she? Ever since that dreamland hit her with the feelings she has no idea how to handle. She's not present now, but it feels like she should have been more there all along. It feels like she should have said something long before M'Lapis used her voiceto tear Peridot down, like she could have done something that would have been protection against her. She doesn't know how and she doesn't know what else to do, but there has to be something missing, and it must be her.
For the most part, that isn't really true. Lapis can't actually stop her Mirror from doing whatever through sheer force of will, and in any case, a little awkwardness around the barn-room is hardly the worst thing this relationship has been through. But hey, considering the circumstances, she could be doing a lot worse than that level of irrationality. Anyway, that's why the 'I'm sorry' wasn't entirely about M'Lapis, and it's why this isn't either.]
I miss you.